They Understood
by cuttestnik
Summary: What kensi and Deeks felt during "Spoils Of War" and why they behaved the way they did. And the story continues from there onwards.
1. Chapter 1

**AN:- First of all a big thanks to crystal for beta reading this. Girl you are amazing and I love you. Secondly thanks to all who read and reviewed my new story Fern, smiles & hope and if u haven't please give it a chance**

**So about this story..the only thought after watching "Spoils Of War" was why don't they take the rest of y soul. I'm stil trying to process everything and I had to write a story about it because I had no other option. Hope u guys like it..**

**Disclaimer:- I tried to make Eric Christian Olsen mine, but failed so lets just talk about owning NCIS : LA**

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**THEY UNDERSTOOD**

She was small when her father taught her what war meant and what it means to sacrifice for your country. Her dad use to say that _spoils of war_ is a bigger threat individually compared to nationally, but she never really understood that until today.

She was trained to bear physical torture but no one said anything about mental torture. Whatever she did in last few months or to spoke in last few days was completely justified for her until today. Until she saw him ,a certain blue eyed, shaggy-haired person looked at her. It was then that it hit her what she had actually done. She was ready to die to save Jack and find out the truth, to get the closure she had wanted for the past nine years. But all of this was about her war, and her closure. Somewhere in between she forgot _him_. Not completely because it was impossible, after all he was the one that got her through the torture. His smile, his eyes, his voice, his smell, his silly but endearing nicknames. His everything. He was her safe haven and in _this war_, she ruined everything for Deeks, the one person who was patiently waiting for her, not the one for whom she had waited years for.

She was going through a turmoil and to be honest she was losing her hopes with each passing seconds and then all of sudden she heard the word _exchange._ That lone word brought her hopes back. She thought maybe Granger and Sabatino were able to find her and would save her but she didn't think that the person saving her life once again was none other than her partner…_her Deeks_

She looked up just once at him and it was enough to make her feel guilty. To question her decision because at the end of the day, she was the one who asked him to be patient and again she was the one to risk her own life without knowing what effect it would have onhim. She had promise herself that she would help him to get better to recover and there he was, not only fighting his own demons but fighting for her as well. She knew that Deeks would understand whatever she did and would never question instead he would blame himself for everything and that thought was enough to scare the life out of her. The physical pain she was going through was nothing in comparison to heart ache she was feeling at that moment. That was the reason why she couldn't look at him; aware of his constantly looking at her. Now she understood why Deeks wouldn't look at her in the hospital, how she was able to get him through the torture. Today she understood everything.

She knew that Deeks had seen her and Jack together but she also knew that he understood that this was what she needed for closure. After several moments she looked at him and stared in his blue eyes and knew that he was going through a lot of pain and that she was the one responsible for it and thus when Deeks first hugged her, she hugged him back. She tried to find some safety in his arms but before she could they pulled away. She understood this too because she could she the fear in his eyes, the fear of losing her, his mind going through the _what ifs_.

But she too was fragile and was trying to process everything and thus when Deeks asked her, she didn't lie, she said what was the truth. Although she knew the truth saying it out loud made everything real, everything more painful and she couldn't control it and she started sobbing. That was when Deeks took her in his arms and said, "It's okay, and I've got are going home." She realized that he was able to see right through her and knew what she needed. That thought was enough to break her even more and with that she didn't stop herself, she just broke into his arms with hope that hewould understand.

But the most important thing she understood was that although the war was hers, the _spoils of war_ were Deeks'. Her war had ruined things for Deeks and most probably for them as well and they understood it.

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He was told once that there would come a point in his life when a single person will be more important than any damn operation. He never understoodthat until today. Today for him the operation was to locate and rescue agent Blye but for him what was more important was to save his partner, his Fern, his everything…his Kensi.

He had learned from his torture that torture just messes things up and he would never do that to any one. After all he had morals but damn those morals if they cost his partner her was the only thing he cared about at that moment and made sure to make it very clear. So he did what he had to do and to be honest he would do the same thing hundred times over for Kensi in the blink of an eye. Yes he would because he didn't believed in that picture. He knew that it was a fake because he had faith in Kensi that she would come back to him, and his Kensi was a woman of her words and she would never die before him. But all he wished for was that the man would understand his situation and would help him and more than that, Kensi would understand his actions.

He had told himself to prepare for the worst but when he saw Kensi he just lost control of his emotions. All he wanted was to run towards her and take her in his arms but he knew he couldn't do that so he just wished that she would look at him just for a moment. But she didn't and to be honest he understood, he understood about the turmoil she was going understood better than anyone else.

The moment he heard the name Jack Simon, he knew what had happened with kensi and what she wanted and that was the reason he understood what was happening when he saw Kensi hugging Jack. He knew how desperately she wanted closure and how important it was for Kensi's sanity and for them as well. So he went near her controlling himself as much as it was possible for him but in the end he gave in and hugged her. He hoped she would understand that this was what he needed at that moment, to believe that she was okay, and even more so, that she was alive and she was with him.

But this wasn't enough and letting his emotion take over, he asked her what he wanted to know, somewhat knowing what her reply would be and somewhere hoping that for once she wouldn't lie to him. And she did, for once she said what she meant and knowing her he knew how difficult it was for her to speak the truth and so he did what he thought was right and took her in his arms wishing she wouldn't pull back this time. And he said what she wanted to hear trying to reassure her. He just hoped that she understood that for once _he _meant what he said.

He also knew that for Kensi this was just her war, but for him, it was their war. And at that time holding her as tightly as possible, he realized that their spoils of war caused them to lose a part of themselves that they would never be able to get knew that both of them understood this better than anyone else.

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**So guys you know the drill..leave a review on your way out..**

**should I continue?**

**Hope u guys like it**

**Much love**

**Nikita**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN :- Wow thanks you soo much for the such great reviews. Thanks to each and everyone who reviewed, favourited or followed the story. I didn't hated the last episode but also it wasn't what I expected, so what I wanted to see will be posted here..A big thanks to my beta reader, crystal baby you are amazing. **

**Disclaimer:- I'm still trying to make ECO mine and then we'll talk about owning NCIS:LA.**

**You guys asked for me to continue so here it is..enjoy.**

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**CHAPTER 2**

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She had missed him _a lot_. Well that was an understatement. She couldn't describe how safe she felt when she was in Deeks' arms, as if no one could touch her when he was near. She couldn't understand how someone's touch or presence could make her feel so safe. She wouldn't lie but she was so relieved that Deeks was there for her and she couldn't express in words how grateful she was. They pulled apart after what felt like an eternity and she just looked in his eyes and saw anger, hurt, stress and mostly fear; the fear of losing her and she couldn't help but blame herself. She doesn't know what they had done to save her, but she had an idea that whatever it was, it wasn't easy and she could see it on his face.

He extended his hand towards hers, intertwined them together, and said, "Everything is going to be okay. We are going home."

It was as if he could see right through her. Who was she kidding? When has she ever been able to hide something from him? He had slowly crawled beneath her skin and penetrated through her walls as if they never existed. The word home hit her hard as she looked down at their fingers and realized how perfectly they fit together. The pain, anger, fear, and angst, everything she had been feeling a few minutes ago was gone and now she was relaxed. And all because of his touch, his presence.

She couldn't help but remember her father words, "My home is wherever you are baby girl." Moreover, this was her home. Not just because of any place, or stuff or a piece of furniture, but because of the guy standing in front of her, holding her hand. A certain blue eyed shaggy detective who has a tendency of going all over protecting of her, came half way across the planet for her. Her partner, her Deeks, her everything… _her home._ The silence between them spoke volumes and neither of them dared to say anything. She so wanted to thank him and tell him how grateful she was to be alive, to be with him, but she wasn't able to form the words. The lump growing in her throat and the tears pooling in her eyes were the reasons behind the silence. As always, he understood.

He understood that the silence was killing her, so he decided to take her out of the misery and asked, "Wanna grab something to eat? I mean.. you look like you could really use some food right now." - She raised her eyebrows to which he replied, "I mean I'm not saying you are looking bad, I mean you are looking like death warmed up.. I mean…. You know what? I should really stop talking."

_God he looks so adorable_ she thought. Kensi couldn't help but laugh at his innocence. Nevertheless, she shouldn't have laughed because she winced in pain and immediately that caused the smile Deeks had on his face to vanish.

She nodded her head to convey that she wanted food, trying not to think about how long it had been since she last ate. Kensi Blye had been use to having a healthy appetite but not today. She was distracted thinking about how much things had changed and how she will have to alter certain things in her life to find again the normalcy, albeit somewhat of a distorted normalcy, she once had. She was grateful that Deeks, Sam and Callen hadn't said a word about her eating habits.

The ride to the plane was done in complete silence. However, she wasn't alone, all the way to plane she had walked with the support of Deeks. Deeks was holding her as he kept his hand on the small of her back and walked just behind her as if he didn't do that, then she might fall. They both knew that everyone was just staring at them but to be honest they didn't give a damn about it, all they cared about was getting out of Afghanistan as soon as possible. They sat together hands still intertwined. She looked out the window and tried to capture the view in her mind for last time while thinking about what this place had given her _and_ taken from her. The ratio wasn't equal, and even though she got the closure she yearned for, she lost a part of her and Deeks in the process. And she wasn't sure what the future held for them, or even if they had a future together. She was aware of Deeks staring at her but she didn't have the courage to look at him, uncertain of what she would see in his eyes. At the same time, she wasn't comfortable with the silence. She had had enough silence over the past few months to last a lifetime.

She was grateful that he broke the silence again and said, "You should sleep Kens. You need your rest". She looked at him and this time she was just able to see care for her. She couldn't help but wonder, how everytime she saw in those blue eyes there always some deep emotions for her, and they spoke volume about his feelings towards her. She knew, that wasn't the right time to think about their feeling because to be hionest she was a utter mess at that moment. So she kept her head on his shoulder to get some sleep. He then said, "Kens you should lay down properly, this will just make your injuries worse."

Without further thought, she laid her head in his lap and tried to get some sleep. His one hand playing with her hair, the other one on her waist protecting her was the last thing she remembered before falling asleep. She just hoped he understood everything that had happened because truth to be told, she was far away from any understanding.

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Deeks was aware of Sam and Callen staring at them but Kensi was the only thing he cared about and he had made that clear. He understood the battle of Kensi with herself because he had been in the same place almost a year ago and he promised himself that no matter what he wouldn't leave her alone, never. He saw Kensi wasn't aware of her surroundings or was atleast pretending to do so. He knew she was tired but he also knew her well enough that she wouldn't lie down and would never admit she needed the rest.

So he decided to break the silence yet again, "You should sleep Kens. You need your rest."

She looked at him and he thought that she would argue but to his surprise, she laid her head on his shoulder and tried to get some rest. As much as he enjoyed that position he knew she was just making her injuries worse so he said again, "Kens you should lay down properly, this will just make your injuries worse".

She raised her head from his shoulder and he thought he had pushed her too much but again to his surprise, she laid her head in his lap. He started running his finger through her hair, trying to make her go to sleep and the next thing he knew she was.

He looked up from her and saw Sam walking towards him and he didn't want to talk about anything but he knew that sooner or later he had to talk. Sam sat opposite to him and looked at them and before he could talk, Deeks cut him off and said, "She needs her rest."

Sam nodded his head conveying that he understood and then looked at Deeks and said, "Are you okay, Deeks?"

"I have been better," Deeks answered.

"Deeks, look I understand this is not easy but lying isn't going to help things nor is ignoring them. You are just making things worse for yourself," said Sam. And before Deeks could say anything, Sam continued, "Deeks, we all need you but Kensi needs you the most. She need you to be in you're a game because from now onwards, things are not going to be easy for you too, especially her. You did well out there. Your timing was correct and you just didn't save Kensi but you saved all of us, once again. But that's not it, is it?"

Deeks didn't answer, he just shook his head.

"Deeks I don't know what you did out there to make this exchange possible and I don't even want to know but remember whatever is was, it was necessary," said Sam.

"Sam I tortured a man. I almost did. What does that makes me?" questioned Deeks.

"If you are implying that you did to that man what Sidorov did to us then I am not going to buy it for a single second," said Sam.

"Of course not Sam, I know what torture does, I'll never do that to a man," replied Deeks.

Sam smiled slightly and then said, "You said it yourself that you'd never do any such things and that only makes you human. All is fair in love and war and what you did was for.. well, you know, _right._"

Deeks couldn't help himself as he smiled and looked down at Kensi knowing that whatever he did was okay. With that, Sam patted his back and left him with Kensi. Soon after that he found himself drifting off to sleep only to wake up by his partner's scream.

TBC…

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**Hope u guys like it… leave a review on your way out. More reviews I get, faster I write..**

**Next chapter coming on Tuesday or Wednesday..**

**Hope you guys like it..**

**Much love**

**Nikita**


	3. HUGGS & TALLK

**AN :- Wow thanks you soo much for the such great reviews. Thanks to each and everyone who reviewed, favourited or followed the story. A big thanks to my beta reader, crystal dear you are amazing. I can't thank you enough.**

**Disclaimer:- I'm still trying to make ECO mine and then we'll talk about owning NCIS:LA.**

So here the next chapter goes..

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He was fast asleep dreaming about his and Kensi's future together. He was dreaming about them when he felt someone move in his lap. He thought his mind was playing tricks on him, but then seconds later he heard his partner's voice. Actually, he had heard her scream. He woke up immediately and saw Kensi was asleep in his lap but was having a nightmare. She was sweating and begging someone to leave her alone. That sight broke his heart. He touched Kensi's shoulder, tried to wake her up, and then said, "Kens, wake up. It is just a nightmare. Kens please wake up. I've got you."

Kensi was awake in few seconds but was confused. She realized that she was having a nightmare and saw the fear on Deeks' face. She didn't know what else to do so she hugged him as tightly as possible. In return, he wrapped his arms around her and whispered soft words in her ear. She didn't know what calmed her, being in his arms or his words reassuring her that everything would be okay even though they both knew otherwise.

They pulled away a few seconds later but it felt like they had been in each other's arms for years. Deeks told Kensi to sleep again but when she didn't, he understood that she was afraid of having nightmares again. He looked at her with all the love he had and told her, "Go to sleep Kens. I'm here to catch you if you fall."

He said it with all honesty and Kensi understood. Kensi knew he didn't have to say it, he was always there for her, always had and always will. Yet it felt like it was the right thing to say at the time for him. _God he always knows what to say and yet both of our communication skills suck_ she thought. She did what Deeks had told her to do but this time she didn't sleep in his lap. She kept her head on his shoulder while intertwining her one hand with his and the other hand at his back as if she was hugging him. Deeks wrapped his free hand around her and before he could say anything she said, "I'm comfy Deeks. I just need you to hold me while I sleep. Can you do that?"

Deeks couldn't believe his ears. Never in his wildest dreams would he have thought that his Kensi would say something like that but he was more than happy that she had opened up to him and he just nodded his head. Soon, he was asleep as well.

They woke suddenly when the plane landed and they both took their own time to become aware of their surroundings. Deeks was the first one to wake up fully from his sleep. He looked at Kensi and saw she was rubbing her swollen eyes. He couldn't help himself and thus he asked her, "Kens you okay?"

She looked at him as if she was searching for her answers in his eyes as Deeks was also staring at her, half hoping that she would say that she was fine and he was half hoping that she wouldn't lie. That's what she did, she didn't lie him and whispered, "I'm not, but I will be". She swore to God that she saw the twinkle in his eyes for the first time after she had been reunited with him.

The ride to the parking lot at airport was done in complete silence. However, they were walking just as they had before, only this time Kensi was leaning more into Deeks. She was tired, no, she was exhausted and she didn't give a shit about what others would say about her. They bid their goodbyes to Sam and Callen. Sam had given Kensi a big teddy bear hug and told her to call him if she needed anything. Kensi had just nodded her head, both of them knowing that she wouldn't need him, as she already had an overprotective partner to take care of her. Callen hugged her too but as they pulled apart, he told her that no matter what happened, they were a family and they would always be together. They didn't needed to thank each other. She was their little sister and they would always look out for her. With that, Callen also announced that Hetty had given all of them a week off but their paper work was supposed to be submitted before Thursday evening or they all would face Hetty's wrath. That made everyone smile. Sam and Callen hugged Deeks as well and both said that he did well today. Kensi made a mental note of asking Deeks about this.

The walk to Kensi's car was also done in complete silence. Truth be told, she hated the silence but at the same time, she was also grateful for it. She was happy to see her car parked in the parking lot and she turned to ask Deeks about it but before she could say anything, he spoke, "I know how much you love your car princess and that you have missed it. I was driving your car but trust me when I say there are no scratches or dents on it."

She looked at him and thought about how much he had done for her, so she smiled and said, "Thanks Deeks, for everything. And don't call me princess."

He chuckled at that and said, "Whatever you say, darling."

She smiled again at his nickname for her. Deeks was the one driving the car because they both knew that Kensi wasn't in any condition to be driving. She was so tried that she slept the entire way to her house. Deeks would every now and then steal a glance at her and check whether she was okay or not.. He wouldn't stare at her because he knew that staring at a sleeping Kensi could be dangerous in so many ways. He was driving very slowly so that Kensi could sleep properly because he knew that was the best thing for her at the time.

He pulled the car into her driveway very slowly and yet when the car stopped, Kensi woke up with a jolt. She didn't know what was happening and she started to panic. It was when Deeks called out her name and she looked at him that she relaxed somewhat. She was so scared that she didn't notice that Deeks was sitting next to her in the car. He hugged her again and started making circles on her back to calm her down. Within a few seconds, she was calm and it was then that Deeks spoke, "Kens, you need to shower, eat, take medicine and sleep. I think we should go inside".

Kensi didn't say anything, she just stared at him.

There was silence again in the car but this time Kensi was the one to break it, "I don't want to go inside Deeks. I want to go home with you." Deeks looked at her in utter shock but she continued, "Deeks I don't want to be alone. I want you to be there to catch me if I fall. I want to go home with you to Monty".

Deeks didn't say anything. He just smiled at her, pulled the car from the driveway, and headed towards his house. They were at his house within ten minutes. Deeks got out of his car and then took his and Kensi's bag, went inside his house, and kept them inside. Then he came back and opened Kensi's car door for her to get out. Instead of getting out, she just looked at him with her mismatched orbs full of fear.

Deeks did what he thought was right, and intertwined his hand with hers and said, "We're home Kens". He knew she was staring at him so he just nodded his head, conveying that everything was okay. She looked at him for one more second and then she too came out of the car and went inside. She thought Monty would greet her but much to her surprise, he wasn't there to greet her. Deeks knew how much Kensi loved his shaggy mutt and before she could say anything he said, "Monty is at Nell's place and I'll pick him up the first thing in the morning."

By this time, Kensi was seated at his couch and starring into the air, lost in her own thoughts. Deeks decided to bring her back to Earth and thus called her name. Deeks saw that Kensi heard him calling her name and she turned to look at him. He saw Kensi's eyes full of tears and that broke his heart into pieces. Before they knew it, the tears rolled out of her eyes and Deeks joined her on the couch.

He just hugged her but before he could say something, Kensi spoke, "Deeks I'm scared. Everything was really bad and I don't know what to do. I don't know what I want. I am scared Deeks. Please help me." The already broken pieces of his heart were shattered by her words. If Deeks had not been sitting so close to her or was not paying attention then he would never have heard the last sentence because it was barely audible. But he didn't care, all he cared about was that Kensi was asking for help and was sobbing hard even though she was in his arms.

They tightened their holds on each other. "I am with you Kens. I have got you and we are home. I am not going to let anything happen to you. We'll get through this Kens, I promise. We'll get through this …_together,"_ he said.

After what felt like several hours, Kensi had finally calmed down. Deeks had been continuously rubbing her back and assuring her that they would be okay. Kensi pulled apart from him and stared into his blue eyes and with all sincerity she asked, "What about _us_ Deeks? What are we going to do about our _thing_?"

Deeks smiled at her and said, "Kens we have waited one hundred fifty-nine days for each other, we can wait a few more. Until then, we are just a girl and a guy hanging with each other and helping each other to heal." He pushed a few strands of her hair from her face before cupping it with his hands. "Until then, you are my Fern and I am your Max."

Kensi smiled for the first time since they were reunited. The real Kensi Blye smile he had come to love. She nodded conveying that she would do whatever he said. Deeks kissed the top of her head and hugged her again.

It was then when Kensi whispered, "Please, don't allow me to push you away". Deeks just tightened his hold on her and said, "Never".

Only they understood how much the talking and physical contact with each other meant.

TBC…

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**Hope u guys like it… leave a review on your way out. More reviews I get, faster I write..**

**Next chapter will be up on Saturday or Sunday **

**Hope you guys like it..**

**Much love**

**Nikita**


	4. worth it

**AN :- Wow so many followers, thank you soo much every one. I know I was suppose to pose chapter last week but something came up that needed my attention and at first I though things will be okay, but everything blew out of my hands. So sorry for late posting and thanks for being so good. A big thanks to my beta reader, crystal you are amazing as always and I can't thank you enough. A big thanks to all who reviewed, favourite or followed, ot means alot to me. Thank you soo much. **

**Disclaimer: - I still down't own NCIS:LA **

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When they pulled apart, Deeks told Kensi to get showered and until then he would cook something for them. Kensi shook her head and said that he should first get Monty back and then cook something for them. He smiled at that but didn't want to get Monty, instead he first sent Kensi to get cleaned up and then called Nell.

"Hello this is Nell Jones," said Nell after she picked up the phone.

"Hey Velma, it's Shaggy," replied the Detective.

"Is Kensi okay?" Nell asked with concern as she thought something might have happened to her. To be honest, this mission had left each and every one of them in devastation, although the impact on Deeks and Kensi was greater.

Deeks decided to put his friend out of her misery and replied, "Yes Nell, Kensi is fine. I mean not fine as fine but she is okay for not . Physically she will be fine but emotionally, I don't know. The reason I called was that I would like Monty to come home now".

The analyst relaxed after she heard her friend rumble and then asked, "Oh okay. We are having fun here," she said as she watched look for his new chew toy.

The detective smiled at this, thinking everyone in this team loved his mutt, but at that moment, his partner needed Monty the most and he would do anything to make his partner feel better. So he said, "Actually, Kensi wanted to see Monty, she missed him a lot. She told me to get Monty from you, but I didn't want to leave her alone. I mean she is fine, but what if something happened when I came to your place to pick up Monty. I meant, that if you are free, can you please drop Monty off at my place, only if you are free, or…"

Before he could finish that statement, Nell smiled at the over protectiveness of her friend for Kensi and she stopped his ramble and said, "No problem at all Shaggy. I'll be in at your place in twenty minutes with Scooby and I'll see Kensi as well."

Having said that, the analyst cut the line and true to her word, she was at Deeks' doorstep in twenty minutes with Scooby. In the meantime, Kensi hadn't come out of her shower, and that was freaking the hell out of Deeks. He had heard the shower stopped but his partner hadn't come out. He sat in his bedroom thinking what was wrong with her. After what felt like eternity, he knocked on his bathroom and asked, "Fern you okay inside?"

Before Kensi could reply the doorbell rang and the Detective took out his weapon and went to welcome the interrupting guest. He had an idea that it had to be Nell and it turned out it was true. He felt like his team had some problem with them communicating, because every time, they were suppose to have any conversation or were having one, one of them would definitely interfere. Looks like, the lack of communication skill wasn't the only problem in their relationship.

As he opened the door Monty didn't jump on him as he expected, instead he just went running inside his bedroom as he could sense Kensi was there. Shaggy and Velma were both in shock with the behavior of Monty but Shaggy knew, that his Scooby was no longer his dog, he had turned traitor for his partner, a long time ago.

Deeks invited Nell inside and as she settled on the couch, she asked, "Where is Kensi?"

As if that Kensi heard Nell calling her, she came out of Deeks bedroom, wearing Deeks old LAPD t-shirt and pajama bottom with Monty walking next to her who was now happy and was wagging his tail.

Neither Deeks nor Nell said a word about Kensi's clothing and Nell just got up and hugged her friend.

Nell had tears in her eyes after seeing Kensi's condition, but she didn't cry as she just stood there and stared at her friend. She wanted to ask and say so much but she couldn't speak. Kensi decided to break the silence between three of them and said, "I'm fine Nell. I just need some rest, food and my shaggy mutt, and then I'll be better than before." They all laughed ignoring the hidden meaning behind the last sentence.

It was then Deeks' turn to speak, "Oh, sorry I forgot to ask you about food and drinks. Want some coffee or something?"

Nell replied, "No shaggy, but thanks, you guys continue. I just came to drop off Monty and see Kensi". Then she turned and was facing Kensi and said, "You want to hang out anytime, just remember I'm a call away. Take care of yourself."

Kensi just nodded and gave the red head a big hug. After which Deeks thanked Nell for the favor and she left leaving Deeks and Kensi with their Monty.

Deeks knew that Kensi was going to ask him about Nell's surprise visit and just to avoid it he said, "I'll get you coffee and pancakes. You could really use some food now".

Kensi didn't reply, she was just processing everything that had happened. She wanted to see Monty and she was quite happy now after seeing Monty but she told Deeks to go and bring Monty, so why Nell did come to drop him off? It could be a coincidence she thought. No, it can't. So many years in this job had taught her one thing that there is no such thing as coincidence. Therefore, that meant Deeks asked Nell to drop Monty off but why didn't he go and get him?

It was when it hit her that may be, Deeks thought that maybe she was pushing him away from her. No, he can't think like that. She wasn't doing that. She was so immersed in her thoughts that she didn't notice that Deeks was sitting next to her with pancakes and coffee on the table and was staring at her.

When Deeks entered the living room he saw Kensi was thinking about something and he knew what that something was. He sat besides her thinking she would come back to Earth but it was in vain. He slowly called out her name; he didn't want to scare her so he said, "Kens, Kens back to Earth princess."

Kensi didn't snap at this time but gave him her best death glare and said, "Don't call me princess Deeks". To which Deeks just laughed and said, "Whatever you say Fern." She just smirked this time and Deeks handed her pancakes and coffee, which she took quite happily.

Deeks watched her devour the first bite of pancake and he couldn't help but chuckle at that and said, "The way to Kensi Blye's heart is definitely through her stomach."

They both laughed at this and then Kensi said, with a mouthful of pancakes, "These are damn good Deeks. God I missed your food." It made both partners laugh even more. Deeks cooking for Kensi was one of the few things that happened often and it was a normal thing for them because at the end they can't live with Kensi cooking food.

They were eating silently and Deeks couldn't ask for anything more because he really didn't want to talk about what he did earlier and why he did it. Kensi was so occupied with food that she had kind of forgot about everything until Monty who was sitting in the far end of the living room came and sat at her feet.

It was then Kensi broke the silence between them and asked, "Deeks I told you to go and get Monty, so why did Nell bring him home? I mean I don't mind but why didn't you want to go and get him?"

Deeks saw this coming and he knew better than to lie to Kensi and he knew that he had to say this to Kensi sooner or later so why not at that moment and thus he said, " Kens, I called Nell and ask to drop Monty because I didn't want to leave you alone".

Kensi was somewhat shocked but she recovered quickly. "Deeks if you think I was pushing you away…" that was all Kensi could say before Deeks cut her off and said, "Kens, I never thought in that way. I know you were not pushing me away and trust me I'm not going to allow you to do so. It's just; it's that I don't want to leave you alone, because I know how your brain works when you are alone."

The last few words were almost whispered by Deeks and Kensi understood what he was saying was from his own experience. She could see the fear in his eyes, the one she saw a few hours ago. The fear of losing her but this time it was also because of his own past experience. He was scared that he would lose Kensi just the way he lost himself due to the torture.

The pair finished the food in complete silence, no one daring to say something because both knew that words would betray their feelings. Deeks took the plates and cups into kitchen and washed them. When he returned into living room, he smiled at the view. Kensi was sitting on his couch, legs curled beneath her and Monty was sleeping on his couch, with his head in Kensi's lap. Kensi was absent-mindedly rubbing his belly. He smiled and sat on his couch and asked, "A penny for your thoughts Kens?"

She looked at him and with all the courage she had, she said, "How are we going to get through this? We are too scared of losing each other. What if we fail, Deeks?"

Deeks was shocked, because Kensi was never one to speak about their fear but he knew that it had something to do with what happened in Afghanistan. He knew one thing, he didn't care whether they failed or succeeded, all he cared about was that they were giving their relationship a chance and so he said, "We won't Kens, this fear won't allow us to fail and even if we fail, we know that at least we gave it a shot, for whatever it's worth."

Kensi didn't even missed a beat and said, "It's worth a lot Deeks. It's worth a lot."

Both partners smiled at each other, understanding the hidden meaning behind everything they had said and done today.

TBC

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**Hope u guys like it… leave a review on your way out.I love to hear your thoughts. More reviews I get, faster I write..**

**Hope you guys like it..**

**Much love**

**Nikita**


	5. new understanding

**AN:- Ok I have been quite disappointed with the respond of last chapter, on side I had so many new followers and another side I had some bad PM. A lot of them said that it's getting too boring so I should stop. So okay, I have wrote this chapter as a ending to this story. So this is the last chapter. A big thanks to each and everyone who reviewed, favourite and followed. **

**Disclaimer: - I still don't own NCIS LA.**

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They were smiling at each other when Deeks' phone rang. It was Kensi's mother; turns out Hetty had informed Julia about Kensi's arrival on Julia's request. Deeks had constantly stayed in touch with her in Kensi's absence in case she needed anything. Julia had also grown very fond of the Detective as well. She knew from the beginning that there was something special about Kensi's partnership with the certain LAPD Detective and she already liked it. Kensi talked to her mom for quite some time, both asking each other about their well-being. Kensi promised her mom that she would visit her tomorrow and would have lunch with her as well. Julia had invited Deeks as well and he accepted.

After the call was over, Deeks announced that he wanted to watch a movie with his partner/girlfriend/everything and they would watch whatever she picked. He already knew that she would choose Titanic. True to his words, Kensi chose Titanic; after all, it had been a long time since they both had watched Titanic together. He couldn't be happier about it. Kensi was asleep half way through the movie. She had her head on Deeks' shoulder and arm wrapped around his torso as if he was going to run away somewhere. Monty's head had been shifted from Kensi's lap to Deeks' lap as Deeks had decided to sit between his favorite person and his favorite mutt.

After the movie was over, Deeks shook Kensi in order to wake her up and said, "Kens, get up. You can't sleep on couch you will be quite sore in the morning."

Kensi opened her eyes and looked at Deeks with her sleepy eyes. Deeks had stood up from couch and was then standing in front of Kensi. She was so tired that she just raised her arms in front to Deeks, conveying to carry her to bed. Deeks chuckled at this sight and then he picked up Kensi in bridal style trying not to hurt her and carried her to bed with Monty following them. He tucked Kensi in the bed and was about to leave when Kensi grabbed his hand. "Don't leave. Just stay". Without wasting any further time, Deeks too got under the covers and held her while she was sleeping with Monty curled up at their legs.

He looked over her and saw she was asleep in just few seconds. He stared at her for a few minutes and couldn't help but think that today the person whom he works with and the person who is asleep next to him are two different people. Because the person who he works with is fierce, badass and strong while the person who is asleep is innocent, peaceful and fragile. He never thought that he would associate the word fragile with his partner. When have things ever been easy for them?

His adrenaline rush from the day was wearing off and it was then the events of the whole day hit him. To be honest whatever happened he'd do it again, a thousand times over but there was actually one thing, no not a thing, a thought that scared the hell out of him. The thought of losing the one person he cared the most about, his Kensi.

He recalled how beautifully his day had started and how it had just turned into hell within a fraction of a second. He couldn't blame Kensi for that because somewhere deep down, he had a gut feeling that something was wrong with her. God he had so wanted that feeling to be wrong.

If he had said that he had been freaking out when they left for Afghanistan, then that would have been an understatement. He would have been lying to himself if he said that he didn't understand the reason behind Sam's order. He hadn't argued with him because at that moment the only thing that mattered was Kensi's safety. He would never be able to live with himself if she hadn't come home with him because he allowed his personal feelings for her to affect the mission.

Nevertheless, he allowed his emotions to get the best of him after seeing Kensi's picture. After that he did some horrible things to that old man. That old man; tears comes rushing in his eyes when he thinks about that man and he wishes God would forgive him for the way he behaved with him. He doesn't have words to convey how ashamed he has been feeling for the rest of the day for his actions. However, he knows, he didn't have any another option. Thank God, he stopped before he did anything that he would have regretted his entire life. He remembered his conversation with Sam and just for the sake of his own sanity and to get some sleep he believes in what Sam said. _"That he did what was necessary and he still was a human, not a monster". _

He thinks that he shouldn't have asked Hetty to send him the picture of Kensi but at the same time, if that wouldn't have happened, he wouldn't have done what he did to that man and may be...maybe his Kensi would actually have been dead. No, he couldn't have let that happen. He remembered that Kensi had taken a promise from him, a promise, to never get himself killed but he hadn't taken that same promise from her. He understands the nature of their work, always has; but now things are different. He made a mental note of making her promise to never get herself killed. Even just for his own sanity, but he would make her do that.

The exchange, he doesn't know whether that was great moment or a worst one. He never believed that Kensi was dead but seeing her alive was a feeling of heaven for him. However, she didn't look at him and he understood. He had so wanted to run towards her, gather her in his arms, and hold her until the end of time. But he knew he couldn't do that and damn that situation.

Jack, he always wanted to meet the person and punch him so hard that Jack would remember him for the rest of his life. Look at the irony of his life, he always wanted to meet Jack and kill him because of what he did to his Kensi and yet she was sent to Afghanistan just to save Jack's ass. Now for sure he wanted to kill him but he knew better. He knew whatever Kensi did was not only because it was her mission but also because she wanted closure. God he too wanted to ask that person why he left Kensi but he knew that that was none of his business and the only one who had that right was Kensi and he knew she would do that, sooner or later. That was the reason why he hadn't felt anything when he saw Kensi hugging Jack.

He then thought about what happened after they came home. The meaning of word home had changed so much in just last few years of his life and he would never have imagined that something like this would happen to him. He didn't want to leave because he was worried about her. However, if you ask him, there wasn't anything wrong with being overprotective of his partner who had just returned from hell. He made a promise to himself to not to leave Kensi's side, not even if she wanted. Turns out the way he thinks and his mutt thinks are quite similar. Because from the moment Monty had entered the house, he hadn't left Kensi's side and looked like he wasn't even planning on doing so.

He remembered Kensi questioning him about their relationship but he wasn't scared because of Kensi, he was scared because of some other reason. The moment he had seen Kensi behind the lasers, he knew that he would do anything for her; he would even die for her. This has changed in last few years, the love, over protectiveness, care, respect everything he had for Kensi had grown too strong that now he could even kill someone for her. He almost did that. He had caused the blurry line between these two things and that was what he was scared of and the truth was he couldn't blame anyone for this.

He was so lost in his thoughts that when Kensi rolled over in her sleep he was frightened. He was aware of Kensi's sleeping habits but at the same time, he was aware of his own mental state. He had been recovering from PTSD nicely until Hetty made Kensi leave his side and go half a way across the planet. He still doesn't really knows why Hetty did that, knowing how much he needed his partner, but he thinks that it had to do something with Jack and Kensi. He so wanted to ask Hetty questions, question her decisions but at the same time he doesn't wants to be on her bad side. He now understands that Hetty can do anything and can separate them anytime, in just a blink of her eye, and that was the last thing he wanted to happen. He wanted to stay with Kensi, help her because no matter how badass his partner was, she too needs someone right now. And, even if she tried her best to push him away, he was not going to leave her alone.

He looked at her and saw how innocent and clam she looked when she was asleep and no matter he was having one hell of a time fighting his own demons at that time that was least of his worries. There was only one thing he cared about; helping Kensi fight her demons and getting her back to him.

He would not let his fear destroy what they had; he would just concentrate on Kensi's healing. Tomorrow morning they would start a new day with a new faith, different things to do and with another sunrise, a renewed understanding of each other.

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**AN:- So the story finishes here. I had few things in mind as I wanted to continue this story so I think I may write a sequel to this only for those who want to read ahead, and for those who don't..don't read it. Tell me what you think about it.**

**Hope you loved this story. Thanks to all**

**Much love**

**Nikita.**


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